The Meaning of Paopu
by Superior Mansex
Summary: When boredom hits the XIII, the Destiny Islands are now a mass of chaos and the Poapu fruit is no longer such a great idea. Well, let's just say, Xigbar and Xaldin have a new love for yellow stars or at least the tree they come off of. Crack Fic!


**Well. This one is mine. All mine! And the very first fic on our little pen name. It is a nice little doodle with just enough crack to make you die laughing. If you're fan person enough. Yesh. I said fan person. So what. Well, crackness to all. **

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**_The Meaning of Paopu _**

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"I'm bored..." Kicking out a foot and watching her robe flutter back into place, Larxene sighed for the umpteenth time that past hour. "Let's do something."

Demyx cocked a brow and shook his head. He was currently immersed in a never ending game of paddle ball. He was just as bored, but wasn't about to add his complaints to Larxene's. With a focused eye, he could almost swear that the little red ball was changing colors. But it always changed back to clown nose red.

Other sighs dittoed Larxene's and filled the huge white hall with agitated and frayed patience. Marluxia tossed a hackey sack up and caught it, grinding teeth and glaring at the stark wall. Xaldin balanced one of his many spears on the tip of his fingers and shifted his chin to a better spot in his palm. An expert flick sent the spear into a spray of sparkling dust and he sat up straight. Xigbar was watching Demyx's paddle ball with a wide eye and an open mouth. Saix gave a half hearted swat at one of Xaldin's dread locks and rolled his eyes. Vexen grinned and flicked the end of his own nose, current gadget a pile of...something in his lap. Luxord flipped his deck of cards around his fingers like the expert he was and suppressed the urge to throw them at Vexen. Zexion just folded his arms a different way and continued to stare forward. Lexaeus followed Zexion's lead, but dreamed of his bunnies at home. Xemnas was the only one to give in to his urge. He snatched up Marluxia's hackey sack in mid air and threw it at Demyx, knocking the paddle ball out of his hand. Chaos followed.

Everyone started yelling, things were thrown, people went sailing, Xigbar started wailing, and Xemnas was on the verge of incinerating everyone. With a smooth and exasperated sigh, Axel stood up and clapped his hands. Everyone froze, staring at him with a mad fire flaring from tempers. The red head cleared his throat nervously and tugged at the collar of his robe. "Eh... Now, now, everyone. Don't fight." He glanced back at Roxas who stared at him with puppy eyes. Axel licked his lips and shoved the thought of naked sweaty sex away. "If we're so bored, how about we go bug someone? How about... Destiny Islands? We can go make fun of Sora and Riku cause they're gay and stuff." He felt guilt crawl up but ignored it and grinned like a mad man when the others nodded and laughed.

"Perfect!" Larxene giggled and tip toed her way up to Axel. "You sure know how to save the day. How come you're a bad guy like us? Oh, wait! It's cause your dead sexy like us all!" She gave him a peck on the cheek and let out a shrill of laughter. "I kill myself!"

"Yea... Let's go!" Xemnas gave the girl and bored look and snapped his fingers. A black swirling portal popped up and he stepped through.

The whole group followed, a teary eyed Roxas following last. "But I'm gay too..." he muttered and sniffed loudly.

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The white sand, crystal clear blue waters, and balmy breeze, Destiny Islands mad Axel want to poke someone. So he did. With a grin, he stabbed a finger into Demyx's side, earning him a sharp yelp, a glare and slap. He pouted and rubbed his head. 

"Where's that tree?" Xigbar asked, pointing at the now bar cliff.

Marluxia cracked his knuckles to try to keep from smacking some sense into the man. "What tree...?"

"The one with the yellow stars on it!" Xigbar exclaimed and stabbed his finger in the direction of the cliff again. "Xemnas! Where's the tree?!"

Said man closed his eyes with a sigh and rubbed at his temple. "I don't know, Xigbar. Where is the tree?" Axel snorted as he choked down a laugh and elbowed Larxene in the side as she let out a hoot.

Xaldin stood next to Xigbar, squinted at the cliff and nodded his head vigorously. "It is gone! Where's it go?!" The two looked at each other and then took off at a sprint. Xemnas growled and signaled for the rest to follow them, taking deliberate slow and deep breaths.

Upon getting to the spot, there was a huge hole in the ground and the remains of a half eaten Paopu fruit. Xigbar and Xaldin were poking at the hole with surprise and worry. "Where'd it go...?" Xemnas peeked over their shoulders and frowned. It was gone. But where? He turned around and spotted Waka, bouncing a ball on his head. With a firm grip, he yanked the boy over and knocked the ball away.

"Where's the tree?" he asked, putting on his threatening face.

Waka blinked, tilting his head to the side to see around Xemnas's wide shoulder. "Uhh... Not there."

"I noticed that. Where'd it go?"

"Oh! Riku and Sora took it."

"...what...?!"

"Riku and Sora took the tree!"

Larxene popped up at Xemnas's side and huffed. "Where'd they take the tree to?"

Waka shrugged his shoulders."I don't know. I didn't seem them take it."

"Then how do you know they took it?"

"Well, it's gone, isn't it?"

Axel joined the group and glared. "Then how do you know it was them?"

"The tree's gone. who else would tak eit? Well, I guesss I have no idea."

The three sighed and shoved him away. "Who else might know?"

"Tidus."

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And they found him. Sadly. The boy was balancing his wooden sword on his finger and wobbling about. "Boy!" Tidus jumped and looked back at Xemnas, the sword falling. It hit him right between the eyes and he fell to the ground, out cold. Everyone let out a frustrated groan and looked at each other. "Perfect." 

"Let's just look around. Maybe we can find one of the two," Roxas said, itching to take Axel's hand and skip off.

"Why not. There's nothing else to do..." Marluxia grumbled and set off. The rest followed as a trail of...people...

Then Xaldin let out a yell and pointed out into the ocean. "The tree! It's out there!" Everyone looked out and almost fell over in surprise. The Paopu fruit tree was out on a raft in the middle of the sea...?

Xemnas smacked a hand to his face. "What a surprise. Like the day hasn't been weird enough."

So, they swam out. And found Kairi, squirming and screaming into her gag, tied to the tree... All crouched down to poke at her but Larxene, Axel, Roxas, and Xemnas. "Here's the tree. Where's Sora and Riku?" Larxene muttered, looking around.

"There's a fruit out there!" Xemnas said, pointing at the water. "Go get it, Roxas." He shoved the blonde boy into the water and watched as he spluttered and splashed. Roxas finally floated up and swam over to the fruit with a burp. Axel watch, grinning like a cat with a bowl of creme and thoughts of a naked Roxas swimming in his head. With an outstretched hand, Roxas held up the fruit. And Axel leaped off the raft, landing with a splash on Roxas. Xemnas and Larxene sweat dropped as the two disappeared under the water.

"Okay... Eh... Go out and under, Larxene. See if Sora and Riku are under there somewhre." Xemnas said and gave her shove too. Larxene fell in and sank to the bottom. She spotted Axel's red hair and a few floating articles of clothes and immediately scooted away. She was not going to ask... Then she spotted Sora swimming away with his fish tail... She opened her mouth to yell and frown as nothing but bubbles came out. Duh. Under water. So she followed.

She came to a cave and peeked in to see Sora sitting on the ground and staring. Suddenly, the water was gone and she blinked. Okay... "What are you doing, Sora?"

"Watching the tree," he said, pointing at the rock in front of him.

"What tree? All there is a rock..."

"The tree!!" he yelled and punched the ground. Larxene jumped and frowned.

"Okay..."

"Came watch it with me."

"But I-"

"Come watch it with me!!" She squeaked and nodded, sitting down beside him and looking at the rock. Then, with a burst of light, it turned into the Paopu tree and Riku was dangling from one of the branches in a man thong...? "Where'd the tree go?!" Sora exclaimed, jumping up. Riku waved at Larxene and crossed his arms. "The tree..."

Larxene scooted away from Sora and looked at Riku. "What are you doing up there?" she asked.

"Sora gave me a Paupo fruit. Never, ever eat a Paupo fruit if your gay..." he muttered and rolled his eyes at Sora.

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**You know you loved it. **

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